Oh Bother
by anonymouse27
Summary: In which Howl is bothersome and has hidden motives which Sophie is, as usual, too down-to-earth to notice. Book-verse personalities but movieverse setting.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: nothing belongs to me. Poor me.

* * *

"Well it serves you right for acting so childishly. A duck indeed. How dare you?" retorted Sophie, completely unrepentant.

"Despair!" he yelled, "Anguish! Horror!" he screamed as he clutched at his hair. "My most expensive perfume! …Ambrosia, applewood, a dash of saltwater from the seas of Pabhuny; it took me five years to collect all the right ingredients! Ohhhh," he groaned, holding his head in his hands. "Ohhh-"

Black thunderclouds were starting to roll in and lightning rumbled ominously overhead. Creeping shadows grew up the walls from the dark crevices of the room and the walls throbbed as Howl's groans rose in volume. The room was already starting to take on a greenish glow. Sophie narrowed her eyes.

"Don't you dare slime* this place Howl Jenkins. I have enough work to do as it is," she warned.

But Howl was beyond reasoning with. Giant wracking moans, a sonnet of groans and a chorus of wails filled the air. Sophie looked at Michael who was cowering in the corner and a silent understanding glance was sent between them. Without a word the two sprang into action; Michael reached for a conveniently located large washtub from beneath the stairs and Sophie wrenched the doorknob to green and opened it out onto a field of poppies, lilies and marigolds. Together they managed to heave the whimpering wizard into the tub just as the first globules of thick green slime oozed out from the crown of his head. They each grabbed a handle and trundled the already half-full tub of slime, wizard and all, across the room.

"Calcifer, stop the castle," panted Sophie, covering her face with one sleeve to shield herself from the sulphurous fumes and preserve her olfactory senses. "One, two, three… heave!" The aggrieved young man hardly noticed when the tub rocked a little as it hit the uneven ground with a dull thud.

As the castle picked up speed again Sophie leaned out of the doorway, "And don't even think of stepping back into this castle until you've made yourself decent!" She shut the door behind her and moved on to open up the shop. They'd pick Howl up in an hour or two; he'd usually either stopped sulking or was beginning to feel the cold by then. He'd slimed way too often for it to be normal and it certainly wasn't like him to waste so much of his magic to gain a little attention. Perhaps she'd ask Calcifer about it later. Still, she couldn't really complain- it turned out that wizard slime was unusually good fertilizer.

Howl stared after the shrinking castle door as it moved farther and farther away from him, his eyes glazed over. He looked down at his knees and moped, his bottom lip pushed out in a full pout. In the past month alone he'd 'slimed'- as Sophie liked to call it- an average of once a week- and usually on a Friday. In the beginning, when he had slimed at the slightest provocation, and when Sophie was more tolerant of his antics, Sophie had tried to coax the real reason out of him with a mug of warm milk as she had the first time. But after an hour of no response from the wizard, she'd given up. Howl traced patterns morosely in the goo with his finger, vaguely noticing that the tub had already over-spilled. He'd long since stopped feeling outraged whenever he'd finally risen out of his misery long enough to realize he was sitting in a bathtub full of fluorescent green muck in the middle of a field of flowers- especially after Sophie had once forced him to clean the castle himself after one of his, ehem, episodes.

He sighed and stopped oozing, not really having the energy to keep it up for as long as he would have liked. He pulled his knees up to his chest and piled handfuls of slime onto them, watching it slide down slowly with faint disinterest. He sighed and sunk down lower into his tub of slime, simultaneously sinking lower in his misery. Sophie was dead on, as usual. Only this time she wouldn't ever get anywhere near the real reason, nor would she be able to solve it; she had a different sort of magic.

Sophie.

That was the real problem, he thought to himself, sighing. Now how could he tell her that without getting his head blown off?

* * *

*No matter how Sophie grumbled it could not be denied that although it was slime, it was wizard slime, which meant it had several useful qualities. For example, apart from being a magnificent fertilizer, it was also an amazing moisturizer and could be used as a substitute for eggs in baking.

* * *

A/N: A story that i just discovered I'd typed up aaaages ago. A two part quickie at best. R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

"Michael, be a dear and get me some eggs before the market closes down, will you?"

"Let me just finish this spell and I'll be off," he said. "..wing of newt and a smidgen of crushed mole root." He sprinkled in the last ingredients and ducked. "Perfect." he said when it didn't explode in his face.

"Howl seems to be taking a while," remarked Calcifer, munching lazily on a twig.

"Well, if he gets another cold it'll just serve him right for acting so childish all the time," said Sophie.

"I'm sure he's fine," said Michael.

"Besides, he knows if he doesn't come in soon that Calcifer won't heat the water for his bath." "Got that right," said Calcifer.

Just as Michael slammed the door shut the square knob swung to purple-blob-down and there stood Howl, looking very wet, very miserable and very cold. Sophie's heart went out to him. "You ridiculous excuse for a wizard you," she chastised, helping him to the stairs. "The faster you get yourself washed up the faster you can have your tea." The wizard gave a vague nod to show he'd heard and locked himself in the bathroom for what promised to be a long time.

"I wonder if I should be worried about him," said Sophie, listening to the sound of water filling the bath. The fire demon shrugged his thin blue shoulders.

"Last time I saw him like this he was pining after some girl- but you and I both know that can't be the case."

...

The next few days were strange ones for the inhabitants of the castle- and that was saying something considering it was home to a wizard, his soon-to-be-wizard apprentice, a Hatter with astonishing magical powers and a fire demon.

"Where's Howl?" asked Michael appearing tousle-haired and scruffy into the kitchen.

"Hark if I knew," said Sophie a trifle testily. "He still owes you that final lesson does he?"

"Yeah," yawned Michael. "Oh well," he said, cheering up. "At least that means I'll be able to go visit Martha today. Want anything from Cesari's?"

Sophie waved her hand. "No, no. You go have your fun. Say hi to Martha for me."

"Will do." He picked up a spoon and dove into his bowl of cereal.

Sophie turned her back to him, washing up her own breakfast dishes in the sink. It would be May day soon, plenty of flowers to be sold, young girls gadding hoping to be accosted by the young men gadding about looking for young women to accost. Couples old and young thronging the streets and all of them would stop by to buy a bouquet of flowers to give to their beloved.

Michael was to be leaving them soon. Not in the manner of a few days or weeks but certainly sooner than Sophie enjoyed thinking about. "Well at least there will be a wedding to attend," she said to herself.

Martha had been gushing wedding plans at her as soon as Michael had proposed and would talk of nothing else. Howl would do the fireworks at the wedding and she, Sophie, would be in charge of the flower arrangements and the bride's wedding hat of course.

Howl had declined at first, hailing an 'obscene sudden increase in spell requests, nothing he could do about it' as the reason but after a brief, private (and loudly insistent) discussion with Sophie he agreed, on the condition that there was to be no discussion about the day until the morning of the event.

How incredible, thought Sophie. Why, she could still remember Martha's notorious way of getting into trouble, cutting up people's silk drawers and the like, and to think that she was soon to be married! It was quite overwhelming, and although it'd been a while since Sophie had looked into a mirror and seen grey hair and wrinkles staring back at her, she often still felt like an old woman. "Sophie Hatter, your habit of over-thinking shall be the death of you."

"Talking to yourself again I see," said Howl jovially strolling in, smelling like hyacinths.

"None of your business," she said shortly. "Where have you been? You're supposed to be giving Michael his final lesson."

"Oh, the boy's probably much happier with Martha anyway," said Howl. And then, "For you."

Sophie turned around and found herself nose-deep in a bouquet of lilies, roses, baby's breadth and a whole bunch of flowers even she couldn't put a name to. She looked up at Howl, beginning to feel bad for the accusations she'd been meaning to hurl at him.

"What for?" She asked, glad that she'd held her tongue for once.

"I always get flowers for the girl I'm courting," said Howl, subjecting her to the full power of his meltingly charming smile. This did not have quite the effect Howl was hoping to achieve-

"So I'm just another courting girl to you then?" bristled Sophie.

Howl threw his hands up in annoyance. "Why do you see the incessant need to turn every act of kindness I do towards you into some sort of insult? Now stop being so difficult and accept my gift."

Sophie put her hands on her hips, unrelenting. "Because I know you Howl Jenkins and every act of yours has some sneaky motive, and I intend to figure out what it is."

"Fine, you ungrateful woman." He said irritably, making the flowers dissapear."Calcifer, I shall be out all day. I have alot of work to do."

"To slither out of, you mean," snorted Sophie.

He ignored her. "Tell Michael I've left his spell on the bench for him." And with that he was gone.

"Hmph," said Sophie. Calcifer laughed his crackling, hissing laugh. "Things never get dull around here, do they?"

...


	3. Chapter 3

For a whole week thereafter, Howl continued to procure gifts for her and at first she had refused. The first few times that had happened Howl had been livid, which of course meant that Sophie had been equally -magically- livid; there were still burn marks on the shop ceiling. But after one particular occasion where he had decided to buy her a small golden songbird (made of actual gold) that she had blatantly turned down, the honest hurt look on the wizard's face made her feel quite ashamed. So she had reluctantly accepted the gift. Howl had been pleased, not to mention somewhat smug, but strangest of all was that he seemed to be expecting something. Sophie had stared at him, confused.

"I already said thank you," she'd said.

"Ah yes. Yes, so you did," he'd replied. But instead of leaving or making some sort of big spectacle concerning how wonderful and thoughtful he was (which, to be honest, was what _Sophie _had been waiting for) had cleared his throat again, still waiting. Sophie stared back at him mutely for a minute longer. He stared back at her. The minutes ticked by and eventually the silence became, quite frankly, downright uncomfortable.

"Thank you very much?" she ventured.

He threw up his hands in defeat and let out a funny sort of noise (something between a 'gah' and a 'hmph') and turned on his heel, making his cloak sail behind him in a wide sweeping arc before locking himself in his bedroom. With a Slam.

"What was that all about?" asked Sophie of her two silent spectators.

"Perhaps he was expecting a bigger response," said Michael, putting his spell down. "You know how he likes to be appreciated."

"I don't see why I should praise him anymore than I do when you or Calcifer do something nice for me. And I did say thank you," she protested, stroking the little bird which oddly enough, purred in response. Calcifer snorted.

"What?" she asked.

"Well, it just occurred to me that neither Michael nor I are the ones in you're in love with. And _perhaps_ that is reason enough to warrant a bigger response?" Michael laughed. Sophie glared at the two of them, blushing. "Yes, well- I-" she spluttered quite at a loss as to what to say.

Michael and Calcifer laughed seeing Sophie so flustered and about Howl to boot!

...

Sophie could not figure him out and it wasn't for lack of trying. In all the time she'd known (and put up with) him so far, he had never once acted like he was now. But then predictability was not an outstanding feature with Howl, that much she _had_ learned.

"Well," she said to herself. "If it's something from me he wants he should know better than to try bribe it out of me with gifts."

That was the only plausible reason she could come up with. And yet the wizard was being frustratingly persistent. Calcifer could not puzzle him out either (once Sophie had finally convinced him that _if_ it wasn't love then to consider what it _might _be). "Can't possibly be your magic," he reasoned. "No offense Sophie, but he probably out-magics you three times over in both strength and experience."

Which was both true and rather annoying to admit. She'd been getting Michael to teach her magic lately, as well as Calcifer. She'd never thought to ask Howl as he was so busy now, being Official Royal Wizard and all. And she had gotten better, surprisingly. She could do simple transportation spells, cleaning spells (which always came in handy) and any other spells she thought looked interesting.

Michael had agreed with her up to a point but after Howl had returned one day with a towering, 4ft monstrosity of a hat that had no other purpose than to sit on Sophie's head, he claimed it_ was_ simply love and that Sophie should get used to someone finally showing her affection.

...

Two days later, on the morning of May day, Sophie was busy preparing the bouquets and garlands to sell. The shop was filled with the aromatic scents of a thousand flowers and the door to the flower fields was open, letting cool, dewy breezes ventilate the room. She hadn't woken Michael up yet and didn't plan to for an hour or two yet at least. Even Calcifer was snoozing in the grate, little sparks issuing out his mouth as he snored. The castle was silent, quiet save for the steady rhythm of sleep. Sophie smiled, this was exactly how she liked it. Not that she didn't love her new family, but caring for a household of boys (no matter how old they are, they are what they are) was very tiring work. If they didn't need feeding then it was attention or someone to solve their problems or remind them where they'd put something- as if she could remember all these things! Yes, it was these rare moments of quiet that she cherished.

BANG!

The sound of an upstairs door slamming effectively shattered the silence, waking up Calcifer too. "What on earth is that crazy man doing now?" she asked, setting down her garland. The 'crazy man' in question came flying down the stairs then, taking them two at a time, his hair looking like a haystack, his clothes barely on straight and one boot floating in the air behind him trying desperately to attach itself onto his foot.

"You're not going out looking like that?" asked Sophie incredulously as she watched him wrestling to get his boot on the right foot. He 'mph'ed in reply while he pulled his arm properly through his sleeve. "At least comb your hair!-". Howl stopped at the door then, did a quick about-turn and said, "Willbebacksoon. MustfinishspellforKing." Before dashing out again.

Sophie was still standing in the middle of the room two minutes later, feeling as though a magical hurricane had just hit. Or some butterfly in Burma had just flapped it's wings and that was the reason for all the strangeness going on in her household. Howl _never_ left the castle looking less than perfect. It was like saying a tiger could leave without its head, never mind its stripes. Calcifer stared at her, then to the door now open to Kingsbury and finally back at her with a sleepy speechlessness that said, "Did I just witness what I think I did, or am I still asleep?". "I'm just as confused as you," she clarified. He nodded his head and lay back down among the logs, satisfied.

_- A few hours later-_

"-and then he ran out mumbling something about the King," said Sophie, weaving tulips into the wreath she was making. "Now you tell me that's not just plain bizarre."

"I must admit it sounds a little far-fetched. Not that I don't believe you of course," added Michael hastily. "It's just, hard to imagine. I mean, this _is _Howl we're talking about."

Sophie hmphed. "Well I know what I saw. Calcifer saw him too, didn't you Calcifer?"

"Yeah, but I thought it was just a dream," said the fire demon scratching the back of his head. "Maybe you were seeing things; it was pretty early still."

"I was not seeing things," said Sophie defiantly.

"I wonder what Howl will bring today?" mused Michael instead, tapping his chin.

"Probably some sort of exotic lion for Sophie to ride around on in town," cackled Calcifer.

Sophie glared at the two of them. "Haha," she said dryly. "Yes, well perhaps Howl would have finally come to his senses and realised that I'm not interested in gifts." Though this hardly sounded convincing even to her own ears.

"Sophie!" bellowed Howl. "Come here and take a look!"

Sophie had her 'surprised face' on when she turned to Michael. "I could've sworn I just heard Howl outside."

"I don't think anyone else would dare to scream at you like that," he replied already trying to extricate himself from a pile of flowers so that he could get a look for himself. Calcifer shot out of the chimney.

"But he went to Kingsbury this morning and he didn't passed through here!" she said, shocked.

"SOPHIE!" came the bellow again.

She sighed and put down her wreath on the verge of irritation. "If that man has some sort of beastly lion outside, generous or not, I _will_ tell him to take it back," she muttered under her breath.

She opened the door to the shop and gaped. And then screeched; it was worse.

"Howl Jenkins! Have you completely lost your mind?"

* * *

**A/N: Added a few tidbits that I rather liked from my original draft, and thanks to some very convincing and well-pointed out points from **jblockk** I have returned this to the HMC vault of . I want to wrap this fic up within the next chapter ergo the extended ending of this one :)  
**


	4. Chapter 4

_"Howl Jenkins! Have you completely lost your mind?"_

Sophie stared open-mouthed in shock. It was her. A 50ft tall towering model of _her._ Constructed in it's entirety out of flowers. It was HUGE. Calcifer was roaming the statue of sorts, taking care to not get close enough to burn whilst cackling and wolf-whistling his approval.

Howl appeared then, landing lithely on his feet with a faint _whump _in front of her_. _And Sophie's jaw dropped even lower for the notoriously vain Wizard Howl was looking, if possible, an even bigger mess than he had that morning. His hair was sticking up in twenty different directions, his clothes were splattered in mud something else Sophie was sure would take at least three different stain removal spells to take out and god knows what poor creature had died on his boots. And yet, for all of his disheveled appearance, not to mention his total disregard of personal hygiene he stood with his arms open, a grin that split so wide it could very well break his face and cheeks flushed a rosy red.

"Well?" he asked, the gleam in his eyes a little too bright. "What do you think?"

The first thing Sophie did- which was wise considering flies were probably nearby with the state Howl was in- was to close her mouth.

The second thing she did was to eye the parade float of herself critically before turning her eye back to the half-crazed wizard in front of her. Considering this was Sophie, this was also rather wise seeing as she had decide _against_ criticizing something she hadn't even examined properly.

She _had_ thought her third move to be wisest of all but a girl can't get everything right; she opened her mouth. Then, to the crowd's surprise, closed it. But then she pursed her lips and opened it again. The crowd tensed in excitement, finally getting the chance to witness one of Howl and Sophie's notorious fights without having to cement their ears to the flower shop door. They were glad the couple were finally giving some thought to their bruised knees and sore backsides from crouching under their window sill for so long.

"Howl," said Sophie, completely oblivious to the circle of spectators that had formed around them and the float. "Will you-"

"Yes?" he asked, his grin so wide it probably bruised his cheeks.

She looked at him strangely for a minute. But the expectant, blinding, quivering grin did not fade. She gave a small shrug and ploughed on. "Will you please tell me what this is all about?"

To say Howl's face fell would be the biggest understatement of the century- it all but slipped of his head. He hung his head. The crowed flinched and 'oohed' in consolation- not that they had any idea what Howl was on about either but still. Indeed, even Sophie in her wildest slime-induced nightmares could not have envisioned what was to follow. "Howl?" she asked, concern flooding her voice as the wizard's sorry form began to tremble. "Are you alright?"

Howl's body shook and shuddered. Dark storm clouds began rolling in. An ominous growl of thunder sounded overhead. Worried patrons began hurrying into nearby doorways to protect their May Day best where they would still be able to watch the showdown.

"Howl?" asked Sophie tentatively.

But the tempestuous wizard was deaf to her and any who wished to reason with him. The storm clouds were directly above by now, a cold, biting wind whipping at their faces and clothes.

"You said you would," he said in a low voice, head still bent. A fierce gust swept through the town square sending those of lighter stature sailing past. "You promised!" he screamed.

"Howl!" shrieked Sophie, holding down her dress with her hand and digging in her heels with a bit of extra magic.

"I did everything you said!" he continued, his green eyes flashing with sparks of madness and uncontrollable magic. "I fulfilled every single one of your little requirements!" He pulled at his hair causing a few bolts of lightening to strike the ground near his feet. "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Sophie yelled back trying to make herself heard over the roar of the wind. Fist-sized raindrops began to fall.

The crowd had by now fully disappeared; those that hadn't blown away had finally decide it simply wasn't worth it (besides, it'd be far more enjoyable to pretend like they had been there and fill in the details themselves).

Howl stared at Sophie, his mouth still half open. It took a few minutes before her words finally registered.

"You- you honestly have no idea what this is all about?" he asked incredulously, his features reverting to a semblance of normality. The wind gradually died down till it was reduced to a playful breeze.

"No," said Sophie stiffly, smoothing down her dress and wringing out her hair. "I do not. So if you could kindly explain to me what this madness has been all about, I would be very grateful."

Howl's expression shifted into one of shock, his jaw hanging slack and then one that was distinctly sheepish. And, as Howl hated feeling embarrassed to any extent, he covered it up by being dreadfully dramatic- and by doing so hopefully shifting some of the embarrassment onto his dearly beloved. Sophie waited, her arms crossed.

"All my efforts, wasted!" he cried, having fully reverted to normal. "All my romantic endeavors, lost to ignorance!" he said, holding a trailing sleeve up to his face.

Sophie threw up her hands and huffed. She turned on her heel and marched back towards the shop not wanting to made a fool of any longer than necessary.

"My poor bruised-"

He stopped mid-sentence.

Howl, thanks largely to a mud-encrusted sleeve blocking his view, had missed Sophie's disgruntled exit and thus when he peeked through the holes in his sleeve he found himself standing quite ridiculously alone in the square of Market Chipping. "Bother that woman," he grumbled striding towards the shop. "She'lll be the death of me yet." He slammed the door behind him and went inside. "Sophie?" he called into the gloom.

"She went out to kill some weeds," said Calcifer. Howl looked at the smug orange fire ball sitting in his grate and glared the fiercest glare he could muster. Calcifer didn't flinch. "No point trying to calm her down looking like that."

Howl looked down at his clothes and in the next instant was gone. _"Hot water Clacifer! Now!"_

* * *

Sophie lay her half-empty watering can beside her and sat down upon a small knoll of grass. She'd walked quite far away from the castle; she could see the small turrets and the little multi-coloured flags Michael had fastened atop of them for May Day. She pulled her knees up to her chest and sighed, not wanting to think about Howl or any of his crazy antics for once. The cool spring breeze helped. She took off her hat and undid her hair braid, letting the wind play in her red gold tresses.

* * *

Howl shielded his eyes from the onslaught of sunlight and looked around. He eyed a solitary figure crowned by a flag of fiery red and smiled.

"Go away Howl," she said without opening her eyes as the scent of elderflower and hyacinth engulfed her. Well at least he'd had a shower.

"I do believe this is still a free country, my dear," he said teasingly, sitting down beside her. "Unless of course the flowers have pledged their allegiance to you without my knowing."

Sophie opened her eyes and snapped. "What do you want?"

"You really don't know why I've been running around like a headless chicken all week? Well, no," he continued not giving her the chance to open her mouth. "That would explain your actions now of course. But then I always thought it was just your inherent stubbornness acting up again..."

"Are you going to explain yourself or do you expect me to sit here and listen to you insult me?"

Howl laughed and then fell silent.

"Well?" she said.

Howl laughed nervously again and gave her a quick sideways glance. "You honestly don't remember? At all?"

"No. I-"

"Just try," pleaded Howl with a mixture of exasperation and embarrassment in his emerald eyes. "Please."

Seeing he was not doing this to make her feel silly she crossed her arms and furrowed her brow in thought. "You're going to have to give me a clue at least."

"A few days after Michael's birthday," he said promptly. Sophie raised her eyebrows in surprise but closed her eyes and thought nonetheless.

_-They'd given Michael his presents; an old spell-book from Howl and a new suit from Sophie. Martha had showed up with a three-tiered cake and they'd all had a lovely time. After the cake and presents Michael had proposed and then-_

Howl fought with his fidgeting beside her.

She opened her eyes.

"Well?" he asked, using a carefully blase attitude to mask his hope.

"The wedding?" she asked. "You're not telling me this was all so that you wouldn't have to do Martha's fireworks are you?" she said, eyes narrowed.

Howl pinched the bridge of his nose. "I swear I am this close to sliming, here and now." He looked up and cut Sophie's protests short. "Of course this isn't about _their_ bloody wedding!" he snapped.

Sophie looked up at him then; his tousled, damp blonde hair; his viridescent eyes, his pale, porcelain skin- She'd never been one to judge based on looks but Howl was undoubtedly a very handsome man.

"Close your eyes," he ordered, placing two fingers on her either side of her head. "And concentrate."

Sophie obeyed. No sooner had her eyelids closed a slow steady stream of what felt like cool liquid coursed through her forehead and suddenly she could see Michael's birthday as though she was there. Except it was from Howl's point of view because she could see herself quite clearly handing Michael his suit. Then the scene blurred and she could hear snippets of the conversation they'd had _'-wonderful news! Congratulations Michael! I'm so... . _And suddenly they'd skipped to the little dinner they'd had after the party, just her and Howl while Michael escorted Martha home. The scene finally steadied and she watched with amusement as she watched herself eat while Howl's voice floated out of her mouth.

_The other-her snorted. _

_'Howl Jenkins, I wouldn't marry you even if you asked me. No,_' continued the other-her. _'If ever we get married I'll be the one to do the asking; I still don't trust you Howl Jenkins,' she half joked, waving a piece of meat at him. _

_He dabbed daintily at his mouth. 'Oh? Knowing you, you probably have a whole list of criteria that I can't fulfill.'_

_'Mhmm,' she said, playing along. 'My husband will have to be selfless and generous and hardworking and humble and not vain-' she said, counting off the traits on her fingers. _

_Howl laughed but not unkindly. 'Then I wish you luck in finding a husband, madam'._

The scene dissolved and as Howl pulled back, the grassy knoll reappeared around her. Howl fiddled with his jacket and did not look at her.

"But I thought you didn't like the idea of marriage," she said at last. "You pulled enough jokes at poor Michael about it."

"I didn't," he replied stiffly. "But that was before I knew that _you_ cared so little for the notion."

Now, there were two ways Sophie could take this: a) that Howl had intended all along for _her_ to propose to _him _and therefore she could berate him for dismissing marriage only because he thought that she'd do it for him eventually (not that marriage _could _be done by one person, but then who knew how Howl's brain worked) **OR** b) that the absolute inconceivable had happened and _the_ Howl Jenkins actually wanted to get married without the aid of a law ordering him to do so by decree of the King of Ingary and she should just capitalize on the moment.

But then again this was a marriage proposal, albeit a rather perverse one but still this was a man asking for her hand. The question now was, should she give it to him? She reflected upon all of Howl's crazy antics the past week; the bouquet of flowers, the rain of gifts, the finishing the King's errands before they were due, the running out of the house looking like a haystack on legs... And decided that perhaps she could, but just to make sure she would opt for choice b).

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong," she began, tapping a finger to her chin. "-and I may be _very _wrong here- but are you asking me to believe that- it's absurd, I know- but are you actually saying that you _want_ to get married?" She gave the discomfited wizard the most guileless look she could muster and waited for his reply.

"Mhhhmgnnhhhnmhn."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"Oh look, I think I hear Calcifer calling me-"

Sophie yanked him by the coattails and sat him back down. "You are not going to slither out of this one, mister," she said sternly. "Now answer my question; do you or do you not want to get married?"

"Mhmf."

"Louder."

He heaved a sigh and threw up his hands."Yes," he said grumpily. "Happy?"

"Good," she said, getting to her feet and smoothing out her dress. "Then I expect you to do this properly." Howl looked at her blankly. "You don't really expect me to do the proposing, do you? I may be forthright for a lady, Howl, but I still have standards."

Howl grinned deviously. "But you said, and I quote, '_If ever we get married I'll be the one to do the asking_'." Sophie glared.

"Howl Jenkins if you don't ask me to marry you now I will never say yes even if you bring down the moon and stars as gifts."

Swiftly smoothing his features he stood up dusting off his trousers and deliberately towered over her. Sophie glowered up at him. He smiled charmingly and gracefully sank onto one knee, pulling out a small velvet box nestled conveniently in the lining of his jacket.

He took hold of her hand and repeated the question that was as old as time itself. "Sophie Evangeline Hatter, will you be my wife?"

Sophie eyed him critically, her left hand still in his. "Do you promise to stop sliming the castle?"

Howl looked vexed, knowing full well what was going to follow. "Yes."

"And to never again put on such a hideous display of affection like you have been doing so this past week? And to let me have my turn at the shower _before _midday? And-"

Howl forced the little silver ring on her finger. "There," he said triumphantly. "Now you have to marry me- whether you like it or not."

Sophie was about to stutter her half-hearted protests when a thunderous round of applause suddenly filled the air and the townsfolk who had been hiding amongst the flowers the entire time jumped to their feet and cheered. Well, it wasn't exactly an 'I do' but it would have to do. Sophie stared at the little diamond ring; not too big that she would feel uncomfortable wearing it but big enough to show that it probably cost a pretty penny. The men of the village were clapping him on the back and Calcifer was making little fireworks explode in the air above their heads.

Howl extracted himself from the exuberant townspeople and made his way over to his bride-to-be's side. "You planned all this, didn't you?" said Sophie with a reluctant smile.

"Who, me?" he said innocently. Sophie swatted him affectionately on the arm. "Now, my _fiance_," he said sweeping her up into his arms to the crowd's approval and Sophie's blush. "It is time we planned our wedding."

*~The End~*

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**A/N: Wooooh! It's finally finished! :D Like you all didn't see this coming a mile away. Sorry if the characters seem a little OOC- I did try, honest- but i didn't refer to the book as much for this chapter, so...**

**I dragged this on for as long as humanly possible haha. ANd I'm still not too happy with the ending -.-; PLEASE review and tell me what you guys think. You have an authoress on her knees here. I'm begging.**

***Little note: The whole idea for this came from the fact that Howl would probably never have the guts to ask for commitment himself and therefore would capitalize Sophie's offer to be the one to force the marriage contract into his hands. That, and how Howl loves a challenge :3. Do you think I managed to carry it off? I can't remember if it was mentioned in the book but the name 'Evangeline' just seemed to work for Sophie :)**

**Hope you guys enjoyed the story! =D**


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